-
COVID Killed My Dad, and I Can’t Even Cry about It.
On May 23rd, 2020, I got a call from a 919 area code that I didn’t have in my contacts. I was sitting on a patio with some friends, and I’d’ve usually ignored it, but that day, something was just different. “Hello?” “Is this Jennifer?” an urgent-sounding female voice asked me. “Yes, ma’am? This is she?” I asked, my confusion sounding like an identity crisis. Rustling sounds pierced the line and then a man’s voice came on. I didn’t recognize it at all, and the gasping, horror-movie raspiness of it scared me. By now, I’m pacing a downtown Memphis alleyway straining to understand what’s happening through a phone whose speaker…
-
Getting Out: Reclaiming Your Turf after Abuse
Reclaiming your favorite restaurants. That song you both loved. The gym where you worked out together. Your people. It can be more than your heart (and overthinking head) can take. Too bad you can’t hide in bed and avoid the ghosts of your once-happiness… Unfortunately, it’s not that easy. And you’ve got bills to pay. Reclaiming your personal space after the end of an abusive relationship can be challenging, but it’s totally manageable. Reclaiming the rest of the world, however, might feel downright impossible. Don’t be discouraged, though. Take a deep breath. Stop shaking. Unclench your jaw. (Your dentist is going to be pissed about that later, too.) Pull your…
-
Coming Home: Reclaiming Your Space after Abuse
If you lived with your abuser, or if your abuser spent any real time in your home, then you probably still see the memories — good, bad, and horrific — play out like movie clips right in front of you. Maybe you hear his laugh and smile sadly for the sweetness that once was. Or… you hear him yelling and wince at the malicious delight in his eyes when he sees that he hurt you. Maybe you even dread going home because you don’t want to keep reliving these moments, seeing and feeling the ghosts of what was, trying to push through the longing for what should have been. Maybe…
-
Finding My Happy: Healing from Narcissistic Abuse
Until recently, it’d been a long time since I can remember being genuinely happy. I mean, I thought I was happy for a minute, but with every conversation-turned-yelling-match-for-no reason or every time I got called a “liar” or a “piece of shit,” I couldn’t stay in denial about what was happening in my life. The Power of Therapy Two years ago, I started going to therapy because I was so jacked up from from the “relationship” I was in. Throughout the entire time we were together, if you can call it that, I endured verbal, emotional, and mental abuse near-daily for over three years, most of which he justified as…
-
Red Flags, My Favorite Flower
It took me a long time to sort my introverted narcissist out for the monster he is. Of course, part of that was my own denial. I loved him. I didn’t want to believe it. Besides, we had that one good day that one time five weeks ago. Isn’t that worth fighting for?! Sigh. Back then, red flags were my favorite flower, and he showered me in them. Had I known better, I’d have been on the lookout for these signs you’re dealing with a narcissist (or person with narcissistic traits). Gaslighting Gaslighting is usually the first way to tell the thing, as long as you can recognize it for…
