Day 8: Doing Life Better

For many, the new year is all about trying to live better, fuller, happier, whatever-er. We pretend we can reset the system. And as much as I wish we could just start some things over, we can’t. So we’ve got to be real about where we are and create tangible plans for where we want to go.

Today’s blogging challenge is to make a list of five ways we can take care of ourselves. While most people are focused on how to improve the physical around this time of year, I’d like to take a look at how to improve the mental.

1. Be in the Moment

Anxiety is no fun and no joke. There is nothing enjoyable about getting so far down the rabbit hole that your heart races and your body temp soars and the shakes start. Worst of all, it’s just simply exhausting. Mentally. Spiritually. Emotionally. Physically. Your everything is more tired than you’ve ever known.

And it’s all based in fear. We struggle with the fear of losing (or gaining in some cases). We’re worried about what’s next. What could happen? Will it be what we want to happen?

Anxiety has always been my life, but I’ve fallen victim especially hard the past three years. Periods of self discovery and growth seem to be particularly susceptible.

When I find myself in situations where I can’t stop freaking out about what’s next or analyzing what else I could do to bring about the reality I want, I stop now. These days, I feel the symptoms start, and I take a moment to honor the chaos and the feelings it brings, and then I take a deep breath. As I slowly exhale, I look around my space.

Am I in trouble? Is there an immediate threat? Do I have a real problem in this moment? Almost always, the answer to those questions is “no.” And in the present, I realize that I’m just fine and that I’m in control of this paranoia and this rambunctious mind. And because I’m in control of my present, I can be rid of those horrible experiences.

2. Peace Lives in Strange Places

For those who suffer from anxiety, you know all about the curse of overthinking. It is just so. damn. loud.

When I lived out in the sticks, there was nothing to take me out of it. No matter how loud the cicadas got, they weren’t louder than the noise in my head.

That’s what’s great about downtown. There’s always noise, but it’s quieter here. Sounds nuts, but you don’t know how loud bugs can be until they’ve got your place surrounded by the thousands.

In downtown Memphis, we’ve got the usual city noises: radios, bike nights, drunk people, dump trucks, buskers. And we’ve added fun sound bursts like the trolley toots on Main Street or the chirps of Bird scooters.

What’s interesting, though, is that all of these things seem to hum at their own frequency. And if you’re just sitting around, it all just turns into a low hum. Quite unlike cicadas, you go sorta numb to it as it passes through you.

Sure, one of those toots or chirps will bring you back, but there’s something about that city hum that’s soothing to the chaos of overthinking. It replaces the noise in your head with the noise of life around you. It’s the first thing I’ve found to ever do that for me.

And when that happens, there is peace. Sometimes, you have to find the quiet in unexpected places.

3. Drop Your Ego

When you’re feeling like the whole world is coming down on you and your head’s spinning out of control, it can be impossible to think about anything else. If you’re like me, there’s no such thing as distracting yourself. It just doesn’t work.

If centering yourself in the present or finding peace in the surrounding noise doesn’t work for you and you still need a way to shift your focus, try focusing on someone else.

There are so many ways to get involved in this town (and I’m sure in yours, too). Look around your area for ways to get involved in something greater than yourself. Read to children in a public library, volunteer in homeless shelters and soup kitchens, go walk dogs for your local humane society. You’d be amazed — and oh-so-grateful — at how focusing on a real problem can remind you that yours aren’t as bad as you feel like they are.

4. Get Physical

Go for a walk. Head to the gym. Push the couch out of the way and stream your favorite yoga practice. Get out into the sunshine and ride a bike.

Research shows that getting the blood pumping can alter your mood and improve your mental health. You don’t have to go all out to reap the benefits. You just need to get out of bed, off the couch, out of your head, and go do something physical.

In doing so, you’ll get all the good brain juices flowing, and you’ll feel better emotionally and mentally, as well as physically. Find something you enjoy doing and do it often.

5. Get Still

There’s something to be said for being still, and I’ve learned the value of that finally. I used to struggle with being alone in the quiet of my space. Until about 19 months ago, I’d lived with someone else in my place all my life. To come back every night to an apartment so quiet I can hear my neighbor’s disposal running through massive concrete walls was debilitating.

So one of the hardest things I’ve learned to do through therapy is just to sit in my emotions and allow them the opportunity to exist, process, and leave my body. I started by telling Alexa to play good music or turning the tv on to have voices in my world. Eventually, I got to a place where I came up for the day and just existed.

Distracting yourself and getting physical can be helpful when you’re overthinking and driving yourself over a cliff a la’ Thelma and Louise. But when you’re struggling with emotional anxiety, distraction is likely the wrong answer.

When you distract yourself from your emotions, you run the risk of creating a situation of straight-up denial. You’re denying your rightful reaction to a situation and thereby denying yourself the right to process it and get past it. You’ll start carrying it around and it could potentially become physical pain in some fashion.

Now you’ve got two problems, and popping Advil ain’t gonna help.

When I find myself needing to process an emotion (requiring stillness) but having a head so noisy I can’t sit in the quiet without losing my mind, I go for a walk. I move my body to quiet my mind, but I don’t engage in the world around me so that my heart can have the space it needs to heal.

Find Your Balance

There are loads of suggestions out there to help you find the things that help you process and release. Mindfulness, gratefulness, journaling, positive self talk and affirmations, cooking a great meal, and taking a nap are among some of the most often proposed.

Ultimately, you’re looking for the thing that brings you peace in the moment. And you want that peace to stick around after you’ve found it. Watch out that you’re not just offering yourself a place to avoid the problem. Talk to people who’ll truly support you without hijacking your story or thriving off your pain. Talk to a professional and get suggestions from him or her that are specific to your concerns.

Whatever you do, find your center and find your peace. Growth is hard. Get out of your head and out of your own way. And don’t make it harder on yourself by working the wrong problem.

Featured Photo by Lesly Juarez on Unsplash